Dedicated to myself~!

Lyrics : Mirai dake shinjiteru
Dareka ga warattemo kamawanai
Hashitteru jounetsu ga
Anata wo kiramekaseru
Mabushisugi, demo mitsumeteitai
Dokka "bigaku" kanjiteru
I'm really really stuck on you

Dare nimo nitenai yume no senaka wo
Oikakete oikaketeku
Yoake wo yobisamasu you na
Moeru kimochi
Atosaki nante ima wa shiranai
Taikutsu na jikan yorimo
Doramatikku te ni ireru made
Believe in wonderland!

Yamazumi no mondai wo
Karume no nori de kawashichau
Kono michi wa modorenai
Anata no puraido da ne
Toraburu tsuzuki yowaki na yoru wa
Gyutto daiteageru yo
I wanna wanna be with you

Dare nimo mienai yume no katachi wo
Tsukamaete tsukamaeteku
Watashi wa tsuiteyuku kara
Atsui kimochi
Tsujitsuma awase betsu ni iranai
Arifureta nichijou yorimo
Paradaisu mezashite hashire
Believe in wonderland!

Dare nimo nitenai yume no senaka wo
Oikakete oikaketeku
Yoake wo yobisamasu you na
Moeru kimochi
Atosaki nante ima wa shiranai
Taikutsu na jikan yorimo
Doramatikku te ni ireru made
Believe in wonderland!


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Happy early birthday to ME.

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On the other hand, I'm currently stuck at a decision to take my 'O' levels Japanese this year. I'm dead serious about that and I'm going to score high in that subject.

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Oh, and...I'm going to take ONE STEP AT A TIME ( The horoscope section of the newspaper had better be true ! ).

Based on a TRUE story.

It was a hazy morning. I woke up with a plan I devised the day before - to amend my mistakes and start over again.

I tried to make the best out of Friday's incident - like a side distraction while my main plan strikes and hopefully, kindles a spark. I had it all planned out - like phrases in perfect order.

That incident that happened last Friday was a blessing in disguised. I thought I had screwed up big time. I was negative until I saw the positive sides of the incident. That Friday incident lingered in my mind up till today. My mind strays back to that incident from time to time. However, every time I did, I had forgotten a character who played a minor role before had came back to haunt me.

Something, or in this case, someone, had ruined my plan. He was the rival that I had forgotten in the equation, the obstacle in my path - and he was not alone.

It was the end of lessons for that day for many. Remedial classes usually takes place after that. She, being in a more advanced class, was not spared from attending remedial.

With almost no valid information, I begun my god-knows-how-long wait. I went to have my lunch first and coincidentally met her sister in the canteen. Although I did not had a good look at her before, I could roughly recalls what she looks like. I asked my friend, the one who followed me on Friday, and confirmed it was her, just to clear my doubts.

While waiting, I whipped out my cellphone and did my homework to kill time. I waited and waited and waited. I walked around the school after I finished my homework in the canteen. For every friend that I met while walking, they all asked me a common question : " What are you doing here? "

It was 4pm and I was loitering throughout the compound. It was no wonder the inquiries. I took my bag and left the school once I saw another friend from her class. He was another of my CCA junior. Then, I spilled the beans to him and gave it away when I asked about HER. We exchanged numbers and I made another valuable friend who can assist me greatly.

As I turned back from the bus stop. I saw her exiting the school. The distance was wide and thankfully I had a pair of eyes that saved me from despise.
I saw her being surrounded by boys of her age group from a different class. I did not want to believe my eyes, and so I hid behind a building's pillar and waited.

It seemed forever. My heart was beating faster, hoping that it was not her. I had to maintain a stoical front. However, life is unfair. It was her that passed my vision. My world almost collapsed, if I had not been emotionally prepared, I would have been regretting the time I met her. Words of wisdom and consolation quotes flooded my mind.

' Life is not about surviving the storm but dancing in the rain. "

Demotivated and demoralized, I went home in a downtrodden state. Heaven seems to be making a fool of me when I saw my friend with his girlfriend walking home together. However, I am not one who will run away from this fight. I will continue my plans until she finds her happiness, no matter who.

That incident had taught me how to control my emotions somewhat. I know I must not dwell into the incident but sometimes, I can't help letting it out. My heart sank into an abyss of misery, and my face continues to look dour and listless.

However, I constantly remind myself it's not the end - but the start. The start of more pleasant things and less unpleasant things.

Console

Thank you ALL for your help by reassuring me that nothing would go wrong and that all will end well.

Thanks to...

Dan - for being there.
Han, Seng and Sher - for being my advisers.
Vin - for being a good listener.
AJ - for making my presence known.
The GUILD - for listening to my problems (and story).

last but not least

Her - who accepted the gifts no matter how poorly I thought it was done. Thank you very much. I now know that what does'nt kill me really hurts like hell but it is undeniable that it made me stronger emotionally.

itwasnotamistakemeetingyouafterall.

Ok, time to pick myself up and get back on the track.

Signing off - Gene.

Based on a TRUE story.

The lesson was over. I ran out of the classroom, in hopes of giving HER an early Valentine's day gift. I fear that she may reject it, and so I hesitated...

I brushed my pessimistic thoughts aside and decided to give myself the 'Green-light'. As I finally stepped out of the classroom, I turned my attention towards her class.

That was when I saw Him. I knew, from my instincts and sources, he was waiting for Her too. Out of due respect, I decided to step back and spectate what would be his next move.

Like other humans, I have feelings. I experienced a kaleidoscope of mixed emotions - Excitement, jealousy, confusion and fear..although I did not let jealousy get the best of me. She would be coming out with her friends anytime soon, and thus I decided to wait for her outside the school.

I stood outside the gates, I had to get the headstart. I saw them heading in my direction. I then ran frantically ahead. I thought the headstart would be useful but to my demise, the darned traffic light stopped me. Her speed soon caught up with me, and that was not good.

As soon as the traffic light changed, I took the lead. Luckily for me, I knew where she stayed. I happened to see her walking up the stairs before, and concluded that she is living there. I got there way faster, by breaking traffic rules and running like a mad dog. Then, she came. Thanks to my shy and sensitive nature, I missed the first chance.

I had this all planned out, apart from some unexpected flaws. I knew what I did was wrong. All wrong. The moment I started getting myself involved in her world - it's wrong.

I stood there like a fool. All hope was lost; or so I thought. I had no choice - I adopted plan B. I was NOT letting my efforts go to waste. At least, hopefully, I would make an effort to get myself noticed by her.

Then, I saw Him. He was following her too, except that he did not know where she lives. Finally, he quickly recedes out of my vision...

My friend had caught up with me. He was following her all along, making sure she got home to put my plan in place. I told him the failure of plan A...and I felt like a failure. My only hope was plan B - to get her out. I assured myself that it would work. Luckily for me, I have her friend's number.

I strategically took her number from the club's record book. I knew that, the extra friend would be of help somewhat, and she did not let me down. Thankfully, the friend followed along my plan. I braced myself for an event that may change my life; forever.

I sat on the ledge, waiting for her. I told myself I must seize this chance. Then, I heard footsteps. My heart was beating faster. I stood up and saw...
a young boy dressed in a red football jersey. I felt relieved, yet devastated at the same time. Relieved that I had more time to prepare, and devastated at the thought that she would not come.

I went back to sit on the ledge. I waited for a minute. Thankfully, she came down, with her sister tagging along. I could vividly remember that she was still in her school uniform.

We, both, being extremely shy, stood there for a second. She has her sister and I got my friend, which supported us emotionally and mentally which I really need. Not wanting my efforts to go to waste and not wanting her to waste her time, I quickly made my move. I handed her the poorly prepared gift. I felt unworthy, yet continued on. She was hesitating and I could still remember the words that she said...

"..Er...Er..." were the words which came out from her mouth. The words were simple, yet clear. No doubt - she was confused. She might be thinking that I'm some crazy idiot who has nothing better to do. I was in a state of lost. I then persuaded her to take the gifts.

I did not know what made her accept the gifts, but I would bet that it was out of sympathy or compassion. Regardless, as she took the gifts, I greeted her with a ' Happy Valentine's Day ', although it was still early. It was impossible for me to do so in the exact day, as it falls on a Saturday. I did not want her to waste her Saturday time on me. She might have another, yet I stood undaunted.

I took my bag and left, being too shy and ashamed to turn back. I could'nt turn back even if I tried, and when I finally controlled my emotions, I looked back and she was gone.

I did have regretted not donning my cosplay suit, maybe it was because I had no time to prepare myself. Maybe my friend was right - I'll make myself look even weirder if I had don the suit.

As for Him, I think he will have to put off his plans until next Monday.

No matter how much I tried to forget what happened, I could not. I could only regret and hope that I made myself clear. I admit, it was not a good first impression. I told my friends about this incident and they consoled me. I did not know what to do, yet until now, I tell myself that such things are controlled by fate.

What will be, will be.

It's 6.02 AM.

Its 6.02 AM and I can't sleep. I've been awake since 4AM. I don't know why but every time I close my eyes, I think of THAT incident...afraid of being judged negatively.

I don't know what to do next. I don't know...

I'll post a story of THAT incident maybe later.

A picture tells a thousand words.

???

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V...


I'll leave you to decode the message.
Signing off,----.